The 5-Minute Lie

Generally speaking, parents know you shouldn’t lie to children. Parents try not to do so. But there is one white lie that gets overlooked: “We’re leaving in 5 minutes.” 

30 minutes later, you leave with a screaming toddler under your arm. Why is the kid screaming when you gave them more time than promised?

While toddlers typically can’t tell time, they do have a sense of time. They start to realize that your “five minutes” could mean different things on different days or in different circumstances. It’s confusing to them. They are so little and the world is still so new and big, so they react the only way they know how at that age: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

The fact that the amount of time in “five minutes” is variable can make you come across as unreliable. Yes: even if you are truthful in every other aspect of your life with your child.  Yes: even though it gave them MORE time to play. Yes: even though you love them with all your heart.There are simple ways to address this, like set an alarm and show the child you are doing so. Just say that you are leaving soon and provide a set amount of time (say, within a half hour).

When you make a mistake, as we all do (I surely have), and your five minutes does have to become a longer time, tell the kid why, “I’m sorry I said five minutes, but I started an important conversation that has to be finished. We’ll leave as soon as I’m finished. I apologize for not following through on what I said.” Phrasing similar to this, even though your toddler may not totally understand it, shows that you respect your child’s time and being. It helps set up a longer relationship of respect.