My Teen Won’t Talk to Me

Here’s the cold, hard truth. If you try to force it, it won’t work and will likely push them further away. So how, you ask, do you get them to talk to you more? Be chill when you do. 

Seriously, if they tell you something that makes you *cringe* or upset or anything in that realm you have to keep your calm and respond accordingly. “Mom, today I kissed a boy today for the first time.” You need to respond calmly and coolly and keep that way the whole time. Even if you are flipping out for the myriad of reasons that you might be (too young, don’t like boys in your kid’s dating world, don’t like said boy, etc). If you react in a manner that shows that you disapprove you likely won’t get more information out of your teen for a long while.

Try not to bombard your teen with questions. They will feel overwhelmed and, possibly, attacked if you do this. You can just have a conversation with the information that you have and slowly, gently, pepper in a few questions. No, you won’t have all the answers you want. Your teen is learning to be an independent human and part of that is also learning to be the gatekeepers of their own information, their own story. And, sometimes, that means keeping information to themselves. 

This is not easy. And no, it doesn’t always feel good to find yourself on the other side of that gate, but it is normal and healthy. Obviously, this is a deeper topic than a few paragraphs can talk about, and the information in here stands true. That being said, your teen is their own individual and your relationship with them is a unique situation. You have to play it by ear to some degree. But, please, remember, they are learning to be their Very Own People in the world. And that includes gatekeeping some information. 

(With caveats for safety, of course.)